Grandma, I love you and will miss you very much.

It’s funny the things you remember….

I’ve got a long commute to work every day and I’ve spend the last few days thinking about grandma and beating myself up that I can’t come up with some poignant story or memory to talk about…

The only things I seem to come up with are a lot of little silly stuff..

I remember going to her house on hickory hills and her giving me a soda… Used to drive mom NUTS but I loved it..

I remember baking cookies…

I remember her slipping me those chalky mints from the club.

I remember her reading me the good Samaritan, Daniel and the lions den, and Joseph and the coat of many colors..

I remember that zipper pocket in her furry winter muff.

I remember her writing me letters full of strange clippings about apple and Steve jobs that she’d found in the paper.

I remember her asking how Kevin is doing.

I remember her asking me every time I called what I did at work, only to respond that she didn’t really understand what I was talking about but it sounded very interesting..

I remember her last letter to me in November where she described to me what she’d had for dinner and advising me to stick to one dog – two might be too many..

I remember her telling me I was gods perfect loving reflection and that she loved me very much… She said that a lot over the years..

But as I thought about this stuff I came to realize that this WAS the important stuff..

The relationship between mother and daughter when it came to parenting styles ( manifested by a soda in my hand before I was out of the car ) must have driven them nuts but I came to realize had a very important side effect – it meant that is was always clear the I was cared for, safe, and loved no matter what… Despite everything that might have been happening around me at the time I was largely aware because I had both of them loving me in their own ways.

Those bible stories and words about perfection and gods love didn’t make much sense to me at the time but they seemed nice… But as I grew up and started question myself and the outside world started telling what was right and wrong it became very important… It meant that I really never questioned whether I was who I was meant to be. I exactly the person I was supposed to be and that was enough…

And, most importantly, those apple clippings about stuff I already knew, questions about work and Kevin, and advice about how many dogs to have? Its because of those I knew that she was thinking about me, interested in my life, and loved me…

So really it’s those little things that seem inconsequential at the time that add up to meaning so much..

And for those, and for her, I’ll always be grateful. And she’ll always be with me.

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. – Apple Inc.

Have managed to get some play time in outside of work though which has been nice – the holidays were VERY nice – got to spend some good quality time with one side of the family and got to rest up some too as well. We spent Christmas in Sacramento with my mom, step dad, sis, bro-in law, step sis, step bro-in-law, and the bro-in-law’s dad… Those days were a lot of eating, talking, opening presents, movie watching (in the new kick-ass granite bay media room) and a trip to see Avitar (which i LOVED).

New Years was super fun too – the whole family (minus the step sis and bro-in law since they had to go back to PDX :( ) came out for new years eve dinner.. After dinner the rents had to beat it back to Granite bay for a party of their own and Katie, nick and I went off to a party for the new year and then out to blackbird for drinks after that. Really fun night (though did result in a SUPER fun hangover the next day – but thats OK).

New Years day we went to Matt and Brian’s for BB’s new years birthday with Katie and Nick which was also great.. As usual Matt cooked up a storm and we got to hang out and play with the Aud-ster. Later in the day was a blur – think dinner and rented a movie or something.

That weekend Katie and Nick had to head back home (booo) and we just hung out. Went to see “A Single Man” which we both LOVED… Very well done both from a production / artistic perspective as well as from a plot perspective… Loved it..

Last week was mostly work and pulling together a video for Alex’s 40th Birthday party. Scott and I decided to pull together a slideshow and a video for the party last saturday night with clips from a bunch of his friends. Turned out to be super fun to edit it all together – video wound up being a little long and I don’t like the audio mix much.. but still fun. The actual party was Saturday night which was super fun to.. Pictures all through dinner and video at the end.. We got a private room at Luce in the Intercontinental… Overall very fun…

This week is all work and this weekend we’re going up to Napa with some friends to escape.

So I guess that was longer than i thought.. boring to most i’m sure but figured i was overdue… no promises on the next post (since i always seem to break them).. but i’ll try!

Posted via email from swimfinssf’s posterous

So thats the big news… Also been doing a lot around the house and trying to focus on relaxing and being a little more well rounded… Started taking Yoga classes with kevin during those weeks off and we’re still doing it ( Bikram Yoga actually )… Also are taking a meditation class once a week… We’ll see if i keep it up long term but i’m digging it right now…

So things are good but busy… I’ll try to post more but probably the best thing to do is watch the right hand side – thats where the twitter updates go which i update more frequently than my blog these days (short tweets are easier than long posts)…

more later

Found these in a drawer in my office today and got a kick out of them… They’re from years ago in my concert going days but the collection of shows and movies kinda makes me giggle… INXS, Marilyn Manson,Front 242, Jimmy Buffett, a Giants Game, and Lie Down with Dogs (Movie)…

Anyway… Made me giggle so i had to share!

my day: it was actually pretty damn good. I got a lot done. had some really good conversations with folks that i’ve needed to have. Relatively drama free which is a beautiful thing. And, most importantly, i got a lot of good coding done – added some really cool stuff to something i’ve been working on for some time. Usual  stuff so can’t say anything about what or when – but still. fun.

words: I just read a note on JMG about the wing nuts freakin out because Barney Frank called Antonin Scalia (who is not chief justice btw – thank god) a Homophobe. I think we overuse the word Homophobe. Perhaps these people have “an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.” but i’m not so sure… Bigot is a better word (intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself)…. Just at thought…

weekend: Lookin forward to it. BSG party tonight (yes i’m a geek – lest there be no any question. but man i’m gonna miss that show). Then brunch and an afternoon with friends. Then a birthday party tomorrow night. Then a massage Sunday. All things considered not a bad way to spend the weekend.

facebook: not diggin the new redesign. sorry. i’m kinda curious about people’s status updates and i liked being able to checkin occasionally. but i found things people posted far more interesting. Links. Pictures. New Friends. That kind of thing. Status messages from most people are kind of an over-share most of the time if you ask me (which is odd given how much i use twitter). I liked having a different tab for status updates and ‘other stuff’. seems like facebook is trying to take a swipe at twitter at the expense of some of facebook’s strengths.

like i said.. a random post… more updates coming soon but for now that should tide me over!

Which leads me to the second reason why it bugs the hell out of me. If you start with a premise of debating differences you immediately deadlock all conversations because you’re in a defensive position debating and defending your position. If, on the other hand, you started the conversation without these assumptions and focused, to start, on where you agree and then branch out to explore and understand differences and the reasons you can have a much more sane conversation. Otherwise the debate send everyone’s blood pressure through the roof and have people walk away from every conversation thinking ‘well they’re just a fucking idiot’… not productive.. not helpful..

I’ve seen SO MANY examples of this around me over the years. You see it in politics. In the President’s speech the other night you saw half of the audience cheering and the other half sitting on their hands pouting. Same premise on both sides – i’m right and they’re wrong. Get over it. Stupid – all you people have a big problem you need to solve and if you can’t work together – ALL OF YOU – then we’re screwed.

I see this in my day to day life. My solution to the problem is the right one and yours is fundamentally flawed. The truth is neither is true. Both are options with merit and if you start with where they work and go from there you’ll ALL come up with a solution that is better for the effort. I even see this in debates in forums like twitter.

The result is the same in all situations – deadlock.

Now mind you I’m not saying that we all don’t have incredibly firm convictions on certain topics. There are people who think that abortion is wrong in all cases. There are people who believe that gay marriage is a fundamental human right. There are people who believe that Objective-C is the appropriate language for all development problems. Whatever. The point is if you start with those absolutes first the conversation is SO MUCH HARDER and, quite frankly, the debates are T.E.D.I.O.U.S…. Put those absolutes aside and start with the gray so you can actually make some progress…

Sorry for the rant and the random stream of consciousness post. I’ve just been thinking a lot about what has me tied in knots lately and it boiles down to that – I’ve allowed myself to get drawn into, worked up by, and emotionally invested in following these types of debates. Sure they can be entertaining on occasion – but if you get invested in them they wear you down and you don’t actually solve anything…

Deep breath…

now back to your regularly scheduled program