Well lets clear this up. Its not about any of that. Its about the ever increasing number of basic rights our society ties to Civil Marriage. Wikipedia does an excellent job of listing these out out:

Rights and responsibilities of marriages in the United States

These are just the federal laws that treat married couples differently than unmarried couples. And this doesn’t even include state, local, and corporate rights and responsibilities. And, to be even more clear, these aren’t rights defined by the ‘liberal’ wikipedia – these are directly from a report produced by the General Council of the Government Accountability Office. These are basic allowances and responsibilities granted and expected of married couples.

And if you don’t want to wade through these here is a simple one. Kevin receives medical insurance through my domestic partner benefits at Apple (THANK YOU Apple). Those benefits for us are taxable income because to the government we are not married (We’re still not sure the effect of 8 on our CA marriage but either way the Feds still don’t recognize us thanks to DOMA). THese benefits are NOT taxable for my straight co-workers. So I’m being fined for being gay by our government – plain and simple. The State and Federal government is taxing me based on religious justification.

Sure, some of these i can reproduce through significant time and expense in a wide variety of legal documents, powers of attorney, conversations with family, and other means. But not all of them – yet EVERY ONE is legally granted and binding by any straight couple that gets drunk and goes to the chapel of love in vegas to get hitched. And, for my simple example – there is nothing I can do about that. Without marriage I will continue to be fined.

The other side can claim all the religious justification they want but until someone unties basic rights from religion I’m gonna keep demanding the right to protect my family. They tied religious marriage to personal rights and federal law – not me and no matter how you spin it separate is NEVER equal. Domestic Partnerships DOES NOT EQUAL Marriage in the eyes of the law. If something happens to me Kevin deserves all of the protections under the law as any other survivor does. Any arguments to the contrary are missing the point and if people don’t know that they need to.

So yea.. Still pissed…

(I promise more positive posts soon – I swear! )

Kevin and I went down to City Hall this morning to be a part of the nation wide protest against the passage of proposition 8 here in California… It was an AMAZING day out and it was really great to see the number of people turn out to make themselves heard.

The rest of the phtos are here

So what do you do about that? Do you stop speaking to them? do you yell and scream and threaten them? Many believe that there is no changing these people and its not worth your breath even trying. The problem with that is the alternative is carrying that with me each day and with every interaction – because even if you stop talking to ‘friends’ who may have done this you will still come across them throughout your life. And if there is anything i’ve learned over my life is bottled up emotions come out at some point and often in very counter productive ways (believe me – i’m good at this part).

I do know a few things though. I know that my relationship with and love for Kevin is every bit as valuable and worthy of respect and protection as any other couple. We have been together over 9 years and have experienced all the joys and sorrows that other couples have and then some. We have experienced christmases, birthdays, quiet nights infront of a fire, world travels, career troubles, arguments, death, and even cancer. And we have supported each other through every step of it and that will continue for a lifetime to come.

I also know that the same religion and God that was used as a weapon to belittle and discriminate against me is also the one that will help see me through this. I know people see a contradiction here but I don’t. My grandma told me throughout my childhood and to this day that we are all created as the loving reflection of God and if you remember that and turn to Him for help in trying times that He will help you come together with others and heal. I also constantly remember the Golden Rule. So even if others don’t remember this I do and it helps me.

Finally I know that, like so many other times in history, we will move beyond this. We are better than this and as people we learn and grow. Some times it takes years, decades, centuries but we do. Other communities have seen it. Jewish people have moved from a time of demonification, ridicule, and genocide to a day where we live in a society that relishes religious diversity. Women have moved from servitude and marginalization to a day where they are able to rise to their full potential whether that be CEO, College Professor, Mother, or Presidential Candidate. And African Americans have moved from slavery, bigotry, and segregation to a day where a black man can become President. And, if we take a deep breath and a step back we realize that the GLTB community has come a long way as well – I can walk down the street hand in hand with the person I love without fear of voilence, work in a place where they not only tolerate but celebrate who I am, and have family who fully supports me.

This isn’t to say all of these groups don’t have a LONG way to go still. There is still anti semitism, sexism, and racism that is like a cancer on this country. Many people experience all of the same challenges of decades and centuries gone by because of their religion, gender, or the color of their skin. And, as we learn this morning, there is homophobia among some of our longest friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances. They can spin it in whatever ‘loving’ or ‘protective’ yarn that they choose but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then… well.. you know…

So right now I’m angry.. and I’m hurt… and I’m going to have a hard time interacting with and respecting people who think I’m less of a human being and deserve less right and freedoms than they do. But I also know if I don’t learn to deal with these feelings and put them aside then I won’t be able to be a part of helping us grow as a society.

We’ll get there… it will take time… but I haven’t lost hope… and now we have the right role model in the drivers seat…

“YES WE CAN”!!!!

No on Prop 8

October 24, 2008

Apple is publicly opposing Proposition 8 and making a donation of $100,000 to the No on 8 campaign. Apple was among the first California companies to offer equal rights and benefits to our employees’ same-sex partners, and we strongly believe that a person’s fundamental rights — including the right to marry — should not be affected by their sexual orientation. Apple views this as a civil rights issue, rather than just a political issue, and is therefore speaking out publicly against Proposition 8.

It really amazes me the ends people will go to see to it that I’m denied basic rights. I just hope that the No on 8 folks are acting with respect even when dealing with the other side cuz in my book the ends don’t justify the means. We gotta treat everyone with respect even when we disagree – after all, isn’t this what its all about?

happy friday!

All that said, this current race is really testing my faith in the system and the people of this country… Proposition 8 on the California ballot in particular is very close to me as a Gay man in San Francisco. To me its fairly black and white. Kevin and I have been together for more than 9 years (more than many other couples i’ve known, gay or straight). Part of this relationship is being able to formalize with our friends, family, and others how much we love and mean to each other and be able to expect that the laws of the land will help us protect and help each other throughout our lives. This has nothing to do with any other couple.. This has to do with being there for each other through sickness and health.

Simple – right? Not so much… There are people around who don’t believe that two men or two women should marry based on personal or religious beliefs. Thats fine. If you don’t believe in same sex marriage then don’t marry someone of the same sex.

Again – simple right? Nope. These people also don’t believe that Kevin and I should have the right to marry with the same rights that they do. But even that I can deal with (begrudgingly). What I can’t deal with, and what is making me begin to loose faith in the political system that I hold dear, is that they’re willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money spreading DOWN RIGHT LIES to support their case. Right now there are literally MILLIONS of dollars pouring in from around the country (a very large percentage from outside of California) to spend money on TV Ads that are just outright lies expecting people that will believe these out of hand without thinking or checking… And, the sad thing is, history has shown that people will.. The more money the have the more eyes they can put these deceitful ads in front of…

Current polls are showing over $25 million coming in from around the country to support this proposition and the polls are beginning to show that it is gaining steam. This absolutely breaks my heart. It kills me on so many levels. That people could be so dishonest. That others will believe these lies without thinking .. And, most importantly, that people believe that Kevin and I deserve any less happiness and security than any other couple in the world..

So this leads me to my request. I know elections shouldn’t come down to cash… But they do… and the No on 8 folks ( http://www.NoOnProp8.com/) need our help… So if you can spare even the smallest amount I would really appreciate it… Even if you’ve given already… Kevin and I gave at the HRC dinner this summer and I thought that was enough.. but its not.. so we just dipped into our pockets again yesterday to help out….

Sorry for the rant… And, more importantly, thanks to EVERYONE that can help… Seriously… no really… :)

http://www.NoOnProp8.com/

State Supreme Court says same-sex couples have right to marry
Bob Egelko, Chronicle Staff Writer
Thursday, May 15, 2008

(05-15) 10:31 PDT SAN FRANCISCO — Gays and lesbians have a constitutional right to marry in California, the state Supreme Court said today in a historic ruling that could be repudiated by the voters in November.

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If you want to read the full LONG text is here…

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